Women and other impossibilities …

Woman in all her glory and freaking-difficult-to-figure-outness ...

Woman in all her glory and freaking-difficult-to-figure-outness …

I love women.

I’ve been very adventurous when it comes to sex … to be perfectly honest, I’ve had sex with men, single women, married women, MUCH younger women, MUCH older women, couples, and even one group sex experience (which was very confusing!) For the benefit of men who have NOT been as adventurous, but who’ve always been turned on by the idea, I have this advice to give: forget it. Really!

Look, I know how this stuff gets started:  you’re bored at work or school one day, the computer’s there, and you go looking for something a little exciting. You come upon a racy story about some sort of forbidden fruit, or maybe a porno flick about something JUST outside of your experience. At first, you might be repelled, but for some reason, you keep reading, or keep watching …

And you got turned on.

Shame! You close out the story, or turn off the porno, and go and do something that reaffirms your manliness (women don’t seem to have QUITE the trouble with this that men do) – maybe try to bench-press a small car, or scrimmage with the football team in your street clothes, or go find the neighborhood bully and kick the shit out of him! If you’re married, or have a girl-friend, and you can, in any way, induce her to have sex that evening, she’s going to be roughly handled, because, by God, you’re a MAN!

But the next day, or the next week, or maybe a month later, you’ll think of it, and go back for more …

In the back of your mind, you start to worry that maybe you’re gay, or perhaps bi, or maybe just into BDSM, or whatever. It becomes kind of a secret thing:  you go looking for a sexy stories, or hot pornos dealing with whatever brand of forbidden fruit you’ve been covertly thinking about … it turns you on more and more, and you begin to think “Maybe I need to just try it, to find out …”

By all means, give it a shot! You’ll go try whatever you’ve been obsessing about and you’ll immediately feel awash with shame, and swear, now that you’ve gotten it out of your system, you’ll NEVER, etc, etc, etc … but in a few days you’re thinking about it again. You didn’t have a good time, but you begin to wonder if you were just with the wrong person …

Look, let me save you some trouble, ok? EVERYONE gets turned on by sexy stories – everyone! Men, women, gay, bi, lesbo, tranny – everyone enjoys stories of something JUST over the boundaries of “acceptable” … whether it’s stories or flicks makes no difference:  there are some things that are just very hot to read about or watch! If you’re reading this blog, and thinking “Bull-shit! I’m not into any of that,” I invite you to visit http://www.literotica.com or http://www.xnxx.com, pick a category and knock yourself out. Chances are fair, you’ll get turned on – if you choose a category that is of any interest to you at all …

I’m going to say this very clearly, and I’d really like you to think hard about it:  NONE OF THAT MATTERS!

People find some things sexy – to read about, watch, or think about. It doesn’t change your sexual orientation. At All. When you get right down to it, your sexual orientation is something hard-wired – and not amenable to change! Those idiots who maintain that homosexuality, lesbianism, or trans-genderism is a ‘choice’ are just full of shit! Believe me, my life would be WAY easier if they were right! These things are built in as deeply as the genetic code that gave you one set of sex organs rather than the other – and the urges, desires, and predilections encoded in your genes do NOT always match the equipment your DNA is programmed to produce!

Gay, Bi, Lesbian, and every other orientation, really boils down to who you notice:  if you find that you’re always taking note of people of the same gender, and never, really, the opposite gender, it doesn’t MATTER what sort of sex you DO engage in – you’re either gay, or lesbian, and this is perfectly natural, and not anything to either be ashamed of, confused about, or motivated to change! (Though, admittedly, it might be hard to explain things to your wife …) If you constantly find yourself noticing, and attracted to, the opposite sex, you’re hetero, and it doesn’t MATTER if you like stories about a guy being talked into sucking cock, you’re STILL hetero! IF you give homosexual contact a try, you’re likely to discover, it’s just so much friction … (personally, it made my jaw ache, and the only pleasure it gave me was that the other guy seemed to enjoy himself – which is fine if you’re into co-dependent sex, but I’D rather do something that actually feels good to me AND my partner!) By the same token, if you find yourself impartially enjoying the looks of BOTH genders, you’re most likely bi, and experimenting will bear that out …

Here’s the thing:  MANY of us, of one sexual orientation, find ourselves fascinated by activities of OTHER sexual orientations. That’s fine, but the sad, sad, sad truth is, there are MANY things that are cooler to read about – or watch professionals do – than to actually experience!

Take threesomes, for instance; the typical male-female couple who take on a third … unless EVERYONE in that particular bed is truly bi, chances are REALLY high that someone is going to feel left out, or someone will end up doing something because it’s expected, and not because it’s enjoyable! Pretty much the same goes for group sex: if you’re bi, go for it – if not, you’ll just find yourself gravitating toward your gender of preference, and either ignoring, or just tolerating the attentions of, the NON-preferred gender. Maybe it’ll get you off – but most likely you’ll just be embarrassed and feeling like it was WAY more effort than it was worth. In the end, if you actually care about your own pleasure, and that of your partners, you’re likely to find it just too much acrobatics to be enjoyable. Sorry.

Consider this Chart produced by Alfred Kinsey, et al, in 1948:

34euel5.jpg

The chart describes human sexuality as being on a continuum – and the Kinsey report makes it clear that this is very much dependent on Time and Conditions … meaning that, at any given time a normally hetero male (like me) might choose to experiment with other sexual behaviors – but doesn’t cease to be a hetero male. The same was found to be true of every gender and sexual orientation on that continuum. Basically, your behavior alone doesn’t truly express or affect your sexual orientation – any more than the person who occasionally speeds on the way to work becomes a career criminal, or a normally pleasant person, who loses his temper once, becomes habitually violent! We aren’t, in most ways that are important, what we occasionally DO … in fact, what we DO regularly, doesn’t define what we are either – as any number of men, who married and had kids, because it was expected and accepted, and then later discovered they were Gay, can attest!

I guess the point I’m trying to make is this:  just relax about it. I don’t advocate reading stories that genuinely repulse you, watching videos that make you want to flinch, or trying any kind of sex you can think of, just on the off-chance that you might like it. What I DO advocate is being who you are – and being secure enough in who you are to experiment if you feel so inclined. It won’t change the truth of who you are – but it just MIGHT make you less inclined to throw stones, or judge others, and that is always to the good!

For my part, my experimentation is pretty much over – and I’ve come to the depressing conclusion that not only do I not enjoy any sort of sex besides hetero sex, but I don’t even enjoy hetero sex if it’s casual …

In this day and age, you can find hook-ups right and left for any kind of sex you want (and quite a few you hadn’t even known were available!)  Craigslist, PlentyOfFish, AdultFriendFinder, Ashley Madison, and a truly dizzying number of others, make it easy to find someone whose itch you’d THINK you’d enjoy scratching … sadly, I’ve discovered it just doesn’t work that way for me.  Not very long ago, I met a woman through Ashley Madison; she was attractive, close to my age, seemed to share many common interests, was sweet-natured, and was in a marriage that left her completely unfulfilled sexually. Like many women in such a situation, she had children, and obligations that made her unwilling to end her marriage – which was perfectly ok in every aspect except sex.  She thought, and I thought, that we could give each other what was needed:  we each needed to be reminded that we were attractive, and we each thought that we could give that to one another (along with, you know, orgasms.)  Her marriage vows troubled neither of us:  not me, because they weren’t MY vows, and I was actually helping her remain happy in her marriage (so I thought), and not her, because she felt her husband had pretty much forfeited his right to exclusivity by failing to meet her needs. So we schemed and plotted, and met once just to see if the chemistry was there, then met again at a hotel, and pretty much banged all day.

It was a disaster.

Well, maybe not entirely, but still … we each had orgasms, but for my part, I just wanted to get the hell out of there! She was a nice woman – but I really didn’t give a damn about her, and, it turns out, that’s sort of essential for me! It was clear to both of us that this wasn’t a permanent thing. I really didn’t understand the details of her life and she – as much as she genuinely tried to – didn’t understand the details of mine. In the end, I didn’t WANT to scratch someone’s itch – I wanted to LOVE someone, and to MAKE LOVE TO someone – and THIS was never going to be THAT in any way, shape, or form!

How could I EVER have thought that something as personal as sex could be enjoyed impersonally?

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe that’s just another symptom of how nuts I am. (I ran it by my shrink – we’ll call her ‘V’– who declined to comment. When I explained that I was writing it up in my blog she said something like “Oh? Well, e-mail it to me … one of these days I’ll maybe have free time to read it …”  Thanks for the enormous boost to my ego, V! One of these days I’m gonna demand to see that pad she’s always scribbling on – I’m pretty sure it’ll be Sudoku, or maybe a crossword puzzle!)

(More and more I’m beginning to feel like Ally McBeal, when dealing with my shrink. She hasn’t QUITE suggested I come up with a theme song – but I feel certain her eyes would light up if I mentioned I had!)

Anyway, as I mentioned, I’ve now experimented with every form of sex that I feel ANY interest in – and none of it compares with the genuineness of just holding hands or cuddling with a single woman who’s as into me as I’m into her. which is sort of a problem as A) I don’t know of any such woman and B) my chances of MEETING any such woman are declining as I get closer to my retirement: my only contact with females is AT WORK (bad idea), and will vanish COMPLETELY when I no longer GO to work …

Add to that the fact that A) I’m a known weirdo, and B) would therefore only attract, or be attracted to, a very unusual woman, and C) the fact that very unusual women are, by definition, hard to find, and D) I’m short, bald, and tubby, and even the most unusual woman tends to look for dudes that resemble Captain America – which I do NOT!

(Women ALWAYS claim that men are more shallow, and more impressed by looks – but the collective sigh from women, followed by growls of purest lust that accompanied Chris Evan’s transformation in Marvel’s Captain America, The First Avenger EASILY gives the lie to that notion! And remember Agent Carter’s reaction? Unconsciously reaching out to touch his pecs to verify she wasn’t dreaming??? Women MAY settle for less, but don’t let ANY of them tell you they aren’t interested in beef-cake!)

(If you didn’t see Captain America in the theaters, check it out on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ATzXG9YVdI  … Dude is 5’4″, 95 Lbs, climbs into a big can, gets some drugs, and some “vita rays” and comes out 6’1″, 240Lbs of rock-solid aw-shucks American super-hero. Bastard.)

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~ by dourscot on April 30, 2015.

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