Depression and the Net


I’ve been dealing with a pretty long-standing depression – it started before thanksgiving, and is still going strong. I still have to pay the bills, of course, so I still have to come to work every day, and one would think that immersing myself in the challenges of my profession would get my mind off my miseries …

It doesn’t. For starters, I work at a university and there’s just not that much work for me at this time of year.  Worse, I work on computers, which are becoming more and more reliable, and less and less easy to repair. I’m sort of like the Maytag repairman: I sit here, poised to spring into action as soon as someone reports a problem – but no one does. You’d think I could play online games, or while away the hours with my writing, or study new technologies, but I can’t: I’d feel guilty playing games on the state’s dime, I’d feel unethical writing something for personal profit on the state’s dime, and, as for studying, while that would be a proper use of time, it’s also boring as hell!

So I cruise the web. News Sites, Social Media, YouTube, WordPress, etc, etc, et-freaking-cetera … Now and then, when i just can’t take it anymore, I’ll find an online quiz:  I’ve taken quizzes to determine whether I’m lonely, depressed, and bipolar – which uniformly indicate that I’m Lonely, Depressed, and Bipolar, while also indicating that an online test is no substitute for a professional’s diagnosis, and that I should run, not walk, to my nearest Mental Health Provider (I usually ignore that bit of advice: my finances are a lot better, but I still can’t afford to pay a shrink to agree that I’m Lonely, Depressed, and Bipolar.)

I’ve taken quizzes to determine which Star Wars character I am (Darth Vader), which color of the rainbow best suits me (Black), which food Item I most closely resemble (crackers), Which super-hero I am (Wonder-Woman … I’m strongly considering suing the maker of that quiz for emotional damages), How long I’d survive if bitten by a Zombie (37 minutes), How Many Justin Bieber’s I could take out barehanded (53), How long I’d last after kicking a Tyrannosaur in the testicles (57 seconds), What style of music I’m most like (Blues), what common pet I resemble (a Beta), Whether or not my colleagues are considering eating me (They are, and not in a good way), what Harry Potter Character I am (Snape), What color my Light-saber would be (black), which Winnie the Pooh character I am (Eeyore), Which Hitch-Hikers Guide character I am (Agrajag … I know you expected Marvin, but Agrajag is actually worse), Which African Animal I’m most like (surprisingly, an Elephant), What Insult Wowbagger would offer me (“You are a swaggeringly pellucid nerd herder!” ouch), how thick my psychiatric file would be (3 inches), which method of suicide I would use (jump from a Height), what cocktail I’d be (Tequila Shot), which Lord of the Rings Character I am (Gollum), Which classic Car I am (Pinto), what my favorite weapon would be (Flame-Thrower), and how likely I am to get laid (not.)

Surprisingly, these quizzes have actually proven that my life can, indeed, get worse. Every single time I take one.

Nearly forgot: YouTube … Top 10 Creepy Places, Top 10 Actors who started in porn, Top 10 Serial Killers, Top 10 World Mysteries, Top 10 UFO cases, Top 10 Broke Celebrities, Top 10 One-hit Wonders, Top 10 Shocking Murder trials, Top 10 underwater caves, Top 10 Cities with Catacombs, and Top 10 Bad Life Choices …


~ by dourscot on January 21, 2015.

2 Responses to “Depression and the Net”

  1. Not laughing at your boredom but your quiz results made me giggle.

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