A recent series of text messages between a friend and me (she started it):

I feel really queasy

You may be pregnant

I’ve been fixed

‘Broke’, actually: you were functional BEFORE the surgery

Well, yes, but I’m still not pregnant

Might be Ebola

Haven’t been exposed. You aren’t helping.

You’re several hundred miles away: I’m doing the best I can.

I don’t have Ebola!

Smallpox, then, I’m calling CDC

Smallpox was eradicated

Precisely why the CDC will want to know about it.

Look, it’s not smallpox!

Of course not. CDC is on the way. They’d like you to remain 20 feet away from anyone, and to not breathe till they get there.

I’m at work. Nurses can’t stay that far away from people at work.

Well, at least hold your breath: the plane from Atlanta will get there in a couple of hours.

I’ll die!

Were you vaccinated against Smallpox?

I don’t think so

Then you’re a goner, anyway. Might as well try not to infect anyone else.


Are you still queasy?


I cured you. I’ll mail you a bill.


~ by dourscot on January 21, 2015.

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