Mood Swings



Everybody’s favorite part of bi-polar disorder: weeping to silent to laughing all in a few minutes …

You can work when you’re depressed. You can do lots of work when you’re manic. You can even work when you’re angry … but you fucking can’t work when all of these are happening in just a few minutes!

It’s called Rapid-Cycling. Nobody really knows why it happens – although stress is one known trigger, and probably the one that’s active in my case. The brain produces too little norepinephrine and serotonin … this leads to severe depression – and then the brain tries to compensate, and over–produces these, pushing you into mania – but it then realizes it’s gone too far, and halts production of the neurotransmitters, and now we’re back to depression …

Again. And again. And fucking again.

It’s exhausting. And there’s nothing one can do to make it stop. You can’t focus your mind on a book, or a movie, or a game, or work – and you absolutely can’t be seen by people:  normal  people don’t go from laughing to crying in a matter of minutes … that only happens to crazy people!

Do you think crazy people don’t feel shame? Think again. I’m a grown man – but I can’t control my emotions. Imagine that for a second … imagine it was you … your mind works perfectly well – in fact, sometimes better than well – but your emotions are a stormy sea, constantly changing!

Hormones can have this effect: women with bad PMS, and pregnant women experience something similar, though not nearly as severe – and it doesn’t last their entire lives.

I’m not asking for pity – I am asking for understanding. This condition is crippling. It’s humiliating. And it’s forever.

If you aren’t this way, you should fall on your knees right now, and thank your God!

The rest of us will be on our knees praying for relief.


~ by dourscot on April 19, 2013.

2 Responses to “Mood Swings”

  1. Thinking of you. Are you taking any medication. We did find one that worked very well for my daughter. I also was put on medication when my husband was going through all of his issues and into my affair. At the point his wife found out I started my medication again and I’ve stayed on it. It does help but I still can cry at the drop of a hat. I don’t get to the anger parts anymore however the tears are quite often.

  2. I’m taking maximum doses of Welbutrin … it’s pretty much all that works – except that its not working at the moment. I suspect the hormones produced by all the exercise I’ve been doing lately, are preventing the Welbutrin from doing it’s job. Hopefully, my system will right itself in time …

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