Strange Times

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I’m a fairly strange man.

As a consequence, the vast majority of my life could be described as “strange” – lately, though, things have been strange even by my standards!

I have never really felt the need for a lot of friends: one or two very close ones was all I ever needed, or really wanted.  For the past 2 years, my one real friend – the friend I could talk to about anything, the friend I could share movies and meals and music and booze with, was my room-mate, Kayla …

She’s wildly, gloriously, madly in love, with a guy who may very well be the One.

As grand and glorious as that is for her, it means I no longer have access to my friend:  they’re constantly in each others company and have no wish to ever be anywhere else, so I see her when she stops by the house for more clean clothes, and to drop off her dirty ones … as this only happens once a week or so, and only lasts a couple of hours, that’s the amount of time I get to spend with my best friend – unless her man is with her, in which case I don’t even get to see that much of her, because they disappear into her room to gather up stuff, and I’m shut out.

Ordinarily, I’d wish for the guy to develop Leprosy, get hit by a bus, or possibly fall backward down an elevator shaft onto about 30 knives … as I mentioned, though, this guy might actually be the ONE that she’s hoped and dreamed for her whole life, and I just freaking can’t wish anything bad on him – at least, not till we know for sure if the relationship will work out.

I’m going to need a new friend.

may have found one:  the jury’s still out, and my own stupidity contributed to that … still, there are circumstances which make this one less likely to be an all-purpose, all-weather, 24/7 kind of friend, and more of maybe a lunch-time-only sort of friend. It’s nothing to do with personalities – it has to do with availability: lunch time is pretty much the only time she’s available … she lives some ways off, and has kids, and therefore isn’t available for dinner, movies, plays, concerts, etc …

Still, I like her, and I think I’d enjoy having lunch with her from time to time, so I’m going to see if she’s agreeable.

That does NOT, however, solve the problem of dog-howling loneliness the rest of the time. So I’m up against the classic dilemma of middle-aged Americans:  where do we go to meet friends?  Bars? Bad Idea! The combination of booze, and being utterly unable to hear anything due to the altogether too loud music, and my altogether lousy hearing, will basically make for one long evening of embarrassments … Church? For starters, none of the churches around here hold any appeal for me, being either far too clannish, or holding beliefs FAR too outlandish for me – apart from the fact that I actually am devout enough to feel that the House of God is for prayer and worship, not girl-watching … Sporting events? The Theatre? Concerts?  The one thing these all have in common is HUGE masses of people – which would basically mean a massive series of panic attacks for me:  people freaking scare me! That leaves work:  I could meet colleagues or clients – except that both categories work for the University, and hitting on any of them runs the very real risk of being misinterpreted and having harassment charges filed!

I suppose there’s always the dating sites online – home of the most desperate … and even they  aren’t interested in me!

So what the hell am I supposed to do? Live with it? Die over it? Walk around with a big placard reading “In Need of Love”???

There are rough six and a half BILLION people on this planet, meaning there are about three and a quarter billion women … surely there’s ONE that I can love, and who will love me back? I mean doesn’t the law of large numbers pretty well guarantee it??? Hell convicted serial killers on death row find women to love them!!!!

 

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~ by dourscot on April 8, 2013.

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