Recriminations

Machete

 

 

I’m an extremely intelligent man. IQ well north of 140, during normal times, and measured at over 160 during manic phases. I have a degree in Theatre, 10 years of experience as a Military Officer, a broad knowledge of weapon systems, Tactics, Strategy, Geo-political issues, and nearly 20 years of experience programming, repairing, and consulting with regard to Personal Computers, particularly Macs.  Add to this a life-long interest in medicine, psychology, psychiatry, writing, movies, music, and gaming …

I can also be incredibly stupid. Really seriously capable of deeply fucked-up bone-headery.

One would think a tiny house, with 2 bi-polars, 2 dogs, and 3 cats, would be safer without too many sharp things … nevertheless, I collect swords, and, upon learning that my lovely, crazy, young, room-mate had always wanted her very own machete, I hastened to present her with my own.

Ok, we’re going to just skip right over how unwise  it was to give a hideously deadly weapon to a young bi-polar who’s always wanted one, and move right into the part where I explain how incredibly bone-headed it was for me to leave that weapon in her room, ready to hand, when I knew that there were circumstances in which, for one reason or another, she might temporarily lose some of her stability …

Those circumstances include, but are not limited to,  the following:

– Bad PMS. Trust me, she has PMS of truly epic proportions, accompanied by extreme hatred of everything in the Universe that isn’t edible. Also accompanied by a tendency to add people to the list of things that might be edible.

– Bad day at work.  She works at the Barnes & Noble on campus, which means she periodically in inundated in silver spoons being jerks, high school kids being high school kids, managers being dense, co-workers being snobbish, etc…

– Bad Hangover. Doesn’t happen often, but it’s nearly always blamed on me, because when she drinks with me, she always overdoes it.

– Pre-Bad Hangover.  This would be the part where she’s had too much to drink, does not admit that she’s had too much to drink, and does not believe anyone should contradict her, no matter how outrageous the stuff she’s saying is.

– Off-Meds:  money’s tight, and there are times, when she can’t afford her meds, and I can’t afford to help.  These times don’t happen often, because after surviving a few such episodes, I will take out a home equity loan, pawn my car, sell my computers, or rob old ladies, to make sure she gets her medicine!

– Lack of Caffeine:  There are few people in the western hemisphere as addicted to coffee as Kayla. There is no one on the freaking PLANET who reacts worse to caffeine withdrawals. I will face Columbian drug lords, the worst LA street gangs, and the entire country of North Korea, before I go into Kay’s room and announce we’re out of coffee …

All these things being the case, you would think any moderately intelligent guy would maybe think twice before arming the little nightmare with a freaking razor sharp machete … perhaps such an individual would be inclined to provide her with hand-cuffs, a strait-jacket, or a padded room, in lieu of said deadly weapon … perhaps he might even consider having the Police, Fire Department, Para-medics, and the First Marine Expeditionary Force on hand, before discussing a temporary shortage of coffee, with the little maniac …

Nope. Nope. Nope. So here we are. VERY low on coffee. Bank account nearly empty. And she’s armed.

Fuck me with a fork.

Ok, going to just go get it over with shortly:  I’ll enter her room with a scrounged cup of very strong Joe, and discuss something innocuous while she drinks it, carefully observing her shoulders for signs of relaxing tension … when the mood is right without too much dithering which might arouse her suspicions, I’ll mention lightly that we are a little bit low on Folgers, and could she, perhaps, contribute toward renewing the supply …

If my body shows up with serious hack marks on it, do NOT try to blame it on Kayla. She’ll do it to you, too.

 

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~ by dourscot on March 6, 2013.

2 Responses to “Recriminations”

  1. Fuck me with a fork stuck out at me lol… I’ve always said gag me with a fork, never thought to use the words fuck me with it LMAO. As for your post… I have no idea what to say…. keep blogging?!?!

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