Ad Ministration

Unknown

It’s the first week of a new semester, here at the University.  Traffic is always bad before the student ranks have been thinned out. I found myself stuck in a traffic-jam behind a new-looking Cadillac. In a traffic jam, there’s not a lot you can do but stare at the back of the car ahead of you, so that’s what I was doing …

I suddenly noticed there was an awful lot of information plastered all over the back of that car!

For starters, it was a Cadillac. Probably owned by an older conservative. That idea was supported further by his license plate:  a custom Armed Forces Retiree plate, which declared he’d been in the Navy. The conservative part was confirmed by a bumper sticker for Mitt Romney. The car also sported an Ole Miss insignia, and a Duke insignia. He also had one of those fish symbols …

So, old enough to be retired, conservative enough to vote for Mitt, not so conservative, however, as to embrace a Tea Party candidate, either went to Duke himself, or has a kid there, works at Olemiss, had been a Naval Officer (not enlisted:  he’d not be employed here unless he had a degree), likes sports (you don’t put an insignia on your car just because you like the school: you do it because you like its football team), Christian (from the fish symbol) and active in church, and wealthy enough to plaster all that crap across the back of a $38,000 automobile …

Frankly, I don’t get bumper stickers. Or branded T-shirts, ball caps, coats, umbrellas, neck-ties, or any other damned thing that bears a company logo.  Why, for the love of God, would anyone PAY to provide free advertising for some company/sports team/rock band?  Seriously, shouldn’t THEY be paying YOU? They should be handing all that stuff out for free, at the very least, and hoping against hope that you’ll be kind enough to wear the silly thing, so they can get the free advertising!

But, no, not only will people pay to advertise, they’ll tend to look with some suspicion on someone who doesn’t!

This would probably be a good time to explain a couple of things about me:  I have nothing but black clothes. I’m not a Goth, and not an Emo:  wearing all black makes it easy to decide what to wear in the morning, and directs attention from my clothes back to my face. I also have a kind of minimalist philosophy that black plays into and …

Ok, fuck it. Black makes me look a little slimmer, ok?

In any event, it leaves me, to some degree, less knowable than the people who parade around advertising their love of Aerosmith, Christ, George Bush (not THAT one, the OTHER one),  or Applebee’s.

What do you make of someone who refuses to declare his alliances? Who craftily hides all his affiliations? Who dares to NOT advertise?!?!?

I could be a communist sleeper agent. Or an underground radical. I could be plotting to overthrow the Government. Or do away with Western Capitalism!

Or … what if … could it be possible? What if I HAVE NO AFFILIATIONS?!?!?!

Half would look at me with pity, as a cut-off shell of a person who needed to be filled up with light and love and wrapped in a Pittsburgh Steelers fuzzy blankie, with a University of Alabama cap on my head, and an OleMiss Rebel Teddy bear in my arms, and lulled to sleep with the strains of the Notre Dame fight song …

The other half would see me as an Ultra Far Left Radical-Liberal, a Communistic-Nazi who should be surveilled to learn my TRUE affiliations, whereupon I’d be outed, along with whatever nefarious Rock Band I like (must be Death-Metal), and whatever ultra liberal institution ‘educated’ me to be this evil …

Look, there are things I like, ok? I like Evanescence. I like Led Zeppelin. I don’t much care for sports, but I did attend the University of Alabama. I’m a former US Air Force Officer, and I like Starbucks Coffee, although I don’t like paying two bucks for a cup of it, or using pretentious language instead of calling the cup ‘Large’. I am a Christian, but I don’t attend church, and don’t really plan on joining one.  I AM politically Liberal, though I’m moderate enough that the Democrats don’t really want me around them (except during an election), and I voted for Obama twice, despite his unfortunate choice of running mate, and I believe women should be free to seek an abortion, and Gays and Lesbians should be allowed to marry anyone they feel they’re in love with. I think no one needs an assault rifle, armor piercing bullets, or a 30-round magazine to go hunting with, or defend themselves (unless they live in Syria, where that won’t really do them a lot of good, anyway.)

So. There I am. Branded. Happy?

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~ by dourscot on January 29, 2013.

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